Humor, Driving and the Police

Spanish Humor
For those of you who have met DH (for more than 15 minutes), you will appreciate this bit. He recently has been entertaining himself by making me the brunt of his “jokes”. Remember the pigs blood story he told me about the slaughters in the pueblos and the newcomers drinking the blood? Well he has gotten me good a couple of times since then. The other day while driving home, he told me to make sure my lights were on. I told him they were. We traveled a few minutes in silence, then he said to make sure that I turn the rear lights on. I told him the lights were ON. He replied that in cars in Spain the headlights and tail lights operate with different switches. After amusedly watching me fumble around the panel for a few seconds, he bust out laughing. Ha ha ha, very funny.

Hare-Raising Sight
I get the chills every time I open my freezer door, and not because of the cold air that comes out (I get plenty of that just stepping out the front door). I get the chills from the seeing present that my brother-in-law brought me the other week. It´s stuck in an orange plastic bag with just a furry foot sticking out. See, he´s a small game hunter and it´s hunting season right now. The other week he hunted a few hares (yes, Easter Bunny´s country cousins). On his way back to Madrid, he stopped at our house and shoved the bag in my hands saying “here, a present for you!”. I couldn´t show any expression of disgust knowing how much he loves stewed hare (and of course the lengths he went to hunt it). The other day, my MIL explained how I should skin and clean the critter. These were her instructions (in Spanish of course) “First you unzip the jacket (cut vertically from the neck to the waist), “unbutton his pants (horizontal cut around the waist) and pull the pants off one leg at a time. Then you carefully remove the jacket one sleeve at a time…” Madre mía, heaven help me now! Please!!

Driving Spanish Style Part 2
As you know, I am desperately trying to learn how to drive stick shift (I miss driving more than I miss speaking English), but after 17 years of driving automatic I have difficulty remembering what the heck I am supposed to do with that third pedal and the stupid stick that´s in the way of the radio. What on earth is that grinding noise when I accidentally bump the stick anyway? Driving on the Spanish autopistas (highways) with cars whizzing by at rates in excess of 90-120 mph, managing the stick shift and clutch can be a bit unnerving, especially when I am merging onto the highway. Needless to say, I get sorta tense. Especially when I see signs announcing merging lanes in 500-300-200-100 meters. I have to really think about the distances (how many feet are there in a meter anyway??!!) to appropriately calculate my attempt at merging at 90 mph. One would think that it would be so easy to drive in a foreign country, but there are so many things that can throw you off, the average speed is just for starters. The signage is different, and of course roadside manners are also distinct. However, little by little I am gaining my confidence (can you believe it? Speedster drives slower than the average bear here! I miss the little Toyota that I had!)

A Brush With the Law
Last Thursday morning, we were nice and comfy in our pijamas (OK it was closer to noon,...Angel was working from our home office), with steamy mugs of café con leche, thinking about how warm we were inside with the nasty winter rain pounding the windows outside. I happened to glance out the window and see the all too familiar lights of the Guardia Civil (Spanish equivalent of State Police). “Interesting” I thought as the car slowly passed by our house (nothing ever happens here in our sleepy town of El Espinar). All of a sudden the car turned around and pulled into our driveway. “Uh-oh” I thought. A loud banging on the downstairs door had me running for decent clothes as I told Angel that the police were here. I think he wanted to run in the opposite direction (apparently I am not the ONLY ONE who pays their parking tickets late---and yes I paid all of mine!). With the police standing outside in the teeming rain, I could hear Angel say “Rebecca? Yes, she´s here. I am her husband, how can I help you?”. As soon as I heard that, I knew what they were here for and went directly for that specially marked green folder. That damn (sorry) folder that has been such a part of my life for the past year and a half. That damn (sorry) folder that has every legal document about my life tucked safely inside, from my birth certificate to our marriage certificate, our passports, our “libro de familia”, and of course my application for legal residency. Phew...the police were conducting the house check to confirm in fact that I lived here and that I have a valid passport, etc. etc….immigration Spanish style. Here in Spain, the police ARE your friends.

A Little Philosophical Observation
Many people thought I was crazy (some still do) for having dropped everything in the USA to move to Spain, saying it was going to be a challenge. Nonsense I thought. I speak Spanish fluently, I had been to Spain about 15 times (including a 10 month stay while in college, and at least 10 trips since meeting Angel), and have seen more of the country than most Spaniards. Besides, immigrants arrive everyday in the USA, many who don´t have the benefit of language skills or family/friends to support them, and survive just fine. I planned, researched, arranged, made contacts, and did everything one could humanly do to prepare for the “shock”, which I was convinced would not be so shocking, of switching cultures. As I sit here in 2002 and look back at what a whirlwind 2001 was for me, I have the chance to really reflect on the “shock” that I am slowly overcoming. In fact, it is one of our (Angel and mine) favorite topics of conversation. Just think about it, you take a single woman who was used to being totally in charge of her life and completely independent, with a great job (that was a grind...hi Sherri...at times), a decent social life, very involved in the community and church, Sunday dinners with her parents…and of course traveled to Spain at the drop of a hat. Strip her of all that (including Speedster´s beloved car), change her marital status, throw her in a small town-beach resort where they pass the time gossiping in a language that isn´t even Spanish, where if you aren´t Catholic you are a sinner, have her husband on the road all week...and she with nothing better to do than clean and iron...well...you get the picture.

Slowly I am getting my wings and beginning to fly. I am ecstatically happy in my job as an English teacher -- 3 months and counting – (heck, it´s the only time I speak any level of English!!) and am researching certification options, I now have a car that I am learning to drive (next week I will be driving sola...without Angel chirping commands in my ear “clutch, shift, clutch, shift, brake...I said BRAKE!!) and am currently in the process of writing a business plan for our English Academy!! Last week I organized the first women´s dining club here in Madrid ... the “sister” club to the one that I had launched in Philadelphia. 8 women, 4 countries and 3 languages. What an experience! Arriving home at 4:30am, I felt like a single woman again ha ha ha! (Angel played babysitter so my sister-in-law could join us!!!). Needless to say, things are great here. The best part is that I feel like I have been given a second life to achieve even more things...and of course to do some things differently. What a següe! Can you guess what survey question #2 is going to be? Reponses from the first survey are posted at the end of this message!

Survey Question #2: If you had the chance to “start your life over again”, what would you do differently? Where would you live? How would your life be different/same? Dare to dream! (Responses will be included with next month´s stories)

Survey Question 1: Here in Spain the Spaniards, despite the hassle of conversions, have received the change of currency to the Euro with open arms and very positively. Do you think that if North America (Canada, USA, Mexico) were ever to form one common currency that the Americans would so happily give up the dollar for some new sort of currency? Why or why not?

Here are Your Responses:
Most Americans probably feel that the dollar IS the one true currency of North America and if there was a change for uniformity then the change should not inconvenience us in any way shape or form.

Absolutely f****ng not!!!! Americans are waaaaaaay too arrogant, egotistical, and snotty to think that their dollar needs replacing. Doesn't the world know that they revolve around us? "yes, diversity is great, but assimilation is the way to go."

The U.S. and Canada will never share the same currency, nor would Americans ever go for something like that. The Euro was inspired by the U.S. Probably some political thing, you know. First off, the U.S. dollar is valued higher in Canada, so of course, Canadians really enjoy seeing U.S. $$ come across their register counters. How would the U.S. or Canada equivocate the monetary change? Devalue the U.S. dollar or inflate the Canadian economy?

I don't think Americans would be receptive to a change but maybe Mexico and Canada would?

I think you have been living in Europe longer than you realize. No way, Americans would never choose to change to a common North American currency! We are too in love with our dollars and our own independence. Think how mad people got about NAFTA. We can't even change to the metric system, for crying out loud, even though just about every other country has made the change in the name of long-run simplicity.

I don't believe Americans would so easily give up their dollar. It is the most coveted currency in the world. I saw a program on TLC that showed how they actually create the bank notes and that validated the fact that the American dollar is highly sought after. Also, if they decided to convert to one North American currency, you can bet that Mexico and Canada would be strong-armed into just making our greenback their currency - period. The two countries are basically US puppets.

My answer to the survey is "absolutely not". Americans are:
1. suspicious of change of any kind
2. too lazy to learn the pros vs. cons of the possible changes
3. too mathematically challenged to do the conversions.

I don't think Americans would welcome such a change to their currency. I'm not sure how to explain my rationale for this opinion. I believe most Americans are a bit narrow minded, believing everyone should have a capitalist, democratic government, everyone should speak English, drive on the right side of the road, and, of course, base their currency on our dollar. You might disagree with me, but your circle of friends is much more "worldly" and open minded than what I believe is more typical of most Americans. I work in the international division of my company and I see the difference in the "sheltered" Americans, the "open-minded" (exposed to international cultures) Americans, and the non-US born mind set. I also know many people whose parents came to the US from another country. The mind set at that time (for most of the people I know), was to "fit in" to America. Therefore, my friends were never taught their parents' language, etc. Today might be different, but I do think most Americans have a strong "team spirit." So strong that many think "our way or the highway." Now, if Mexico and Canada were to adopt the US dollar, I think most Americans would say, "It's about time. Now what about the rest of the world?!"

I really do think Americans would not change their monetary system, but would expect the Canadians or Mexicans to change to our system.

No, I don't think USA would so happily give up the dollar because I think the dollar is more than a currency symbol. It has come to represent national pride, freedom, and patriotism for our country and what it stands for. I think Americans would expect Canada and Mexico to switch to the dollar instead. That's my two cents!!