Humor, Driving and the Police

Spanish Humor
For those of you who have met DH (for more than 15 minutes), you will appreciate this bit. He recently has been entertaining himself by making me the brunt of his “jokes”. Remember the pigs blood story he told me about the slaughters in the pueblos and the newcomers drinking the blood? Well he has gotten me good a couple of times since then. The other day while driving home, he told me to make sure my lights were on. I told him they were. We traveled a few minutes in silence, then he said to make sure that I turn the rear lights on. I told him the lights were ON. He replied that in cars in Spain the headlights and tail lights operate with different switches. After amusedly watching me fumble around the panel for a few seconds, he bust out laughing. Ha ha ha, very funny.

Hare-Raising Sight
I get the chills every time I open my freezer door, and not because of the cold air that comes out (I get plenty of that just stepping out the front door). I get the chills from the seeing present that my brother-in-law brought me the other week. It´s stuck in an orange plastic bag with just a furry foot sticking out. See, he´s a small game hunter and it´s hunting season right now. The other week he hunted a few hares (yes, Easter Bunny´s country cousins). On his way back to Madrid, he stopped at our house and shoved the bag in my hands saying “here, a present for you!”. I couldn´t show any expression of disgust knowing how much he loves stewed hare (and of course the lengths he went to hunt it). The other day, my MIL explained how I should skin and clean the critter. These were her instructions (in Spanish of course) “First you unzip the jacket (cut vertically from the neck to the waist), “unbutton his pants (horizontal cut around the waist) and pull the pants off one leg at a time. Then you carefully remove the jacket one sleeve at a time…” Madre mía, heaven help me now! Please!!

Driving Spanish Style Part 2
As you know, I am desperately trying to learn how to drive stick shift (I miss driving more than I miss speaking English), but after 17 years of driving automatic I have difficulty remembering what the heck I am supposed to do with that third pedal and the stupid stick that´s in the way of the radio. What on earth is that grinding noise when I accidentally bump the stick anyway? Driving on the Spanish autopistas (highways) with cars whizzing by at rates in excess of 90-120 mph, managing the stick shift and clutch can be a bit unnerving, especially when I am merging onto the highway. Needless to say, I get sorta tense. Especially when I see signs announcing merging lanes in 500-300-200-100 meters. I have to really think about the distances (how many feet are there in a meter anyway??!!) to appropriately calculate my attempt at merging at 90 mph. One would think that it would be so easy to drive in a foreign country, but there are so many things that can throw you off, the average speed is just for starters. The signage is different, and of course roadside manners are also distinct. However, little by little I am gaining my confidence (can you believe it? Speedster drives slower than the average bear here! I miss the little Toyota that I had!)

A Brush With the Law
Last Thursday morning, we were nice and comfy in our pijamas (OK it was closer to noon,...Angel was working from our home office), with steamy mugs of café con leche, thinking about how warm we were inside with the nasty winter rain pounding the windows outside. I happened to glance out the window and see the all too familiar lights of the Guardia Civil (Spanish equivalent of State Police). “Interesting” I thought as the car slowly passed by our house (nothing ever happens here in our sleepy town of El Espinar). All of a sudden the car turned around and pulled into our driveway. “Uh-oh” I thought. A loud banging on the downstairs door had me running for decent clothes as I told Angel that the police were here. I think he wanted to run in the opposite direction (apparently I am not the ONLY ONE who pays their parking tickets late---and yes I paid all of mine!). With the police standing outside in the teeming rain, I could hear Angel say “Rebecca? Yes, she´s here. I am her husband, how can I help you?”. As soon as I heard that, I knew what they were here for and went directly for that specially marked green folder. That damn (sorry) folder that has been such a part of my life for the past year and a half. That damn (sorry) folder that has every legal document about my life tucked safely inside, from my birth certificate to our marriage certificate, our passports, our “libro de familia”, and of course my application for legal residency. Phew...the police were conducting the house check to confirm in fact that I lived here and that I have a valid passport, etc. etc….immigration Spanish style. Here in Spain, the police ARE your friends.

A Little Philosophical Observation
Many people thought I was crazy (some still do) for having dropped everything in the USA to move to Spain, saying it was going to be a challenge. Nonsense I thought. I speak Spanish fluently, I had been to Spain about 15 times (including a 10 month stay while in college, and at least 10 trips since meeting Angel), and have seen more of the country than most Spaniards. Besides, immigrants arrive everyday in the USA, many who don´t have the benefit of language skills or family/friends to support them, and survive just fine. I planned, researched, arranged, made contacts, and did everything one could humanly do to prepare for the “shock”, which I was convinced would not be so shocking, of switching cultures. As I sit here in 2002 and look back at what a whirlwind 2001 was for me, I have the chance to really reflect on the “shock” that I am slowly overcoming. In fact, it is one of our (Angel and mine) favorite topics of conversation. Just think about it, you take a single woman who was used to being totally in charge of her life and completely independent, with a great job (that was a grind...hi Sherri...at times), a decent social life, very involved in the community and church, Sunday dinners with her parents…and of course traveled to Spain at the drop of a hat. Strip her of all that (including Speedster´s beloved car), change her marital status, throw her in a small town-beach resort where they pass the time gossiping in a language that isn´t even Spanish, where if you aren´t Catholic you are a sinner, have her husband on the road all week...and she with nothing better to do than clean and iron...well...you get the picture.

Slowly I am getting my wings and beginning to fly. I am ecstatically happy in my job as an English teacher -- 3 months and counting – (heck, it´s the only time I speak any level of English!!) and am researching certification options, I now have a car that I am learning to drive (next week I will be driving sola...without Angel chirping commands in my ear “clutch, shift, clutch, shift, brake...I said BRAKE!!) and am currently in the process of writing a business plan for our English Academy!! Last week I organized the first women´s dining club here in Madrid ... the “sister” club to the one that I had launched in Philadelphia. 8 women, 4 countries and 3 languages. What an experience! Arriving home at 4:30am, I felt like a single woman again ha ha ha! (Angel played babysitter so my sister-in-law could join us!!!). Needless to say, things are great here. The best part is that I feel like I have been given a second life to achieve even more things...and of course to do some things differently. What a següe! Can you guess what survey question #2 is going to be? Reponses from the first survey are posted at the end of this message!

Survey Question #2: If you had the chance to “start your life over again”, what would you do differently? Where would you live? How would your life be different/same? Dare to dream! (Responses will be included with next month´s stories)

Survey Question 1: Here in Spain the Spaniards, despite the hassle of conversions, have received the change of currency to the Euro with open arms and very positively. Do you think that if North America (Canada, USA, Mexico) were ever to form one common currency that the Americans would so happily give up the dollar for some new sort of currency? Why or why not?

Here are Your Responses:
Most Americans probably feel that the dollar IS the one true currency of North America and if there was a change for uniformity then the change should not inconvenience us in any way shape or form.

Absolutely f****ng not!!!! Americans are waaaaaaay too arrogant, egotistical, and snotty to think that their dollar needs replacing. Doesn't the world know that they revolve around us? "yes, diversity is great, but assimilation is the way to go."

The U.S. and Canada will never share the same currency, nor would Americans ever go for something like that. The Euro was inspired by the U.S. Probably some political thing, you know. First off, the U.S. dollar is valued higher in Canada, so of course, Canadians really enjoy seeing U.S. $$ come across their register counters. How would the U.S. or Canada equivocate the monetary change? Devalue the U.S. dollar or inflate the Canadian economy?

I don't think Americans would be receptive to a change but maybe Mexico and Canada would?

I think you have been living in Europe longer than you realize. No way, Americans would never choose to change to a common North American currency! We are too in love with our dollars and our own independence. Think how mad people got about NAFTA. We can't even change to the metric system, for crying out loud, even though just about every other country has made the change in the name of long-run simplicity.

I don't believe Americans would so easily give up their dollar. It is the most coveted currency in the world. I saw a program on TLC that showed how they actually create the bank notes and that validated the fact that the American dollar is highly sought after. Also, if they decided to convert to one North American currency, you can bet that Mexico and Canada would be strong-armed into just making our greenback their currency - period. The two countries are basically US puppets.

My answer to the survey is "absolutely not". Americans are:
1. suspicious of change of any kind
2. too lazy to learn the pros vs. cons of the possible changes
3. too mathematically challenged to do the conversions.

I don't think Americans would welcome such a change to their currency. I'm not sure how to explain my rationale for this opinion. I believe most Americans are a bit narrow minded, believing everyone should have a capitalist, democratic government, everyone should speak English, drive on the right side of the road, and, of course, base their currency on our dollar. You might disagree with me, but your circle of friends is much more "worldly" and open minded than what I believe is more typical of most Americans. I work in the international division of my company and I see the difference in the "sheltered" Americans, the "open-minded" (exposed to international cultures) Americans, and the non-US born mind set. I also know many people whose parents came to the US from another country. The mind set at that time (for most of the people I know), was to "fit in" to America. Therefore, my friends were never taught their parents' language, etc. Today might be different, but I do think most Americans have a strong "team spirit." So strong that many think "our way or the highway." Now, if Mexico and Canada were to adopt the US dollar, I think most Americans would say, "It's about time. Now what about the rest of the world?!"

I really do think Americans would not change their monetary system, but would expect the Canadians or Mexicans to change to our system.

No, I don't think USA would so happily give up the dollar because I think the dollar is more than a currency symbol. It has come to represent national pride, freedom, and patriotism for our country and what it stands for. I think Americans would expect Canada and Mexico to switch to the dollar instead. That's my two cents!!

This Girl Has Got Wheels

Role Reversal
Spaniards have a bad rap for being chauvinistic. While it may be true in some cases (just as some American men can be quite sexist), in most cases I find European men to be very open to equality. DH, for one, is not afraid of the kitchen. I made fast friends with the town butcher when I walked in asking about fresh turkeys (I had hoped to prepare a traditional Thanksgiving meal). He informed me that there would not be any turkeys until December for Christmas (I am certain that he found it curious that a woman would be asking for a turkey off season) and then would most likely have to go to one of the larger shopping centers about 7 miles away. Alas, my turkey hunt was unsuccessful. The largest turkey I found here weighed in at 12 lbs. Hmmm...just a shade smaller than the 24lb bird my mother served on the other side of the Atlantic this year and nowhere near enough to feed 10+ hungry mouths! DH and I decided to serve lamb instead...a luxury here in Spain. We got a great deal...990 pesetas per kilo, (roughly $2.36 per lb.) so we bought half a lamb. We have enough meat to see us through the rest of the winter! It was DH who wanted to roast the lamb although he had never done so in his life. He would lay up at night reading the only Spanish cookbook I own, learning the techniques of basting and browning. Needless to say the roasted lamb turned out phenomenal. So much so, that when his mother wanted to roast lamb chops the other day, she called us to ask DH for tips and for the recipe of the sauce that he used to baste the meat. I chuckled at the thought! Since then, we treated his family to a roast suckling pig for New Year´s Eve dinner...the roasting of course being handled by DH. Then again, my family in the States has already been exposed to his culinary tendencies. When we were in San Francisco, together we whipped up a couple of good meals and also helped my sis and her hubby pull off their post-wedding brunch. Hmmm...do I see a Tapas Bar in our future??

Driving Spanish Style
I have a car! It´s Eurochic and very very tiny...a Fiat Uno. Third hand and just perfect for me to beat into the ground as I learn to drive stick shift!! It´s hard to erase 17 years of automatic driving and get used to a third pedal in order to increase speed and change gears. Some days are better than others. On one of my first forays out onto a back country road, I had a nice obstacle course of an errant cow (who decided the grass was greener on the other side of the pasture fence), a stray dog and a bunch of tired hikers. YIKES! I should note that cows do not hurry up to get out of the way, in fact, you don´t even exist. DH has been more than patient as the gears grind and the car bucks (when I am in too low of a gear). What fun. I have tested my skills in the snow and in the rain. I had a particularly frustrating day yesterday when I was incapable of driving 3 kilometers (1.86 miles) without the car stalling on me four times. I finally pulled over to let DH drive and a caravan of 25 cars roared past me. Oops! So much for one lane roads! I did, however, manage to drive the car by myself all the way to Madrid the other day (35 miles) following hubby. And the car only stalled out 3 times! I will eventually have to take my driving exam here in Spain after I get my residency card. The frustrating thing is that I will be considered a novice driver and will have special driving restrictions placed upon me for a period of 24 months... including much lower maximum speed limits. Harrumphhh!

Euro Euro Euro
Happy New Euro to you too! The long awaited Euro is now here! Just when I thought my life in Spain was getting easier...they had to screw me up with one more calculation! Just when I figured out what a reasonable price was to pay for a KILO of beef in pesetas (without being ripped off), they had to go and change the currency on me. So, now I stand in line at the supermarket and mentally calculate that one kilo is 2.2 lbs (and is 2.2 lbs of meat too much for chili con carne for two people?? J ), and that 1 Euro is 166.386 pesetas. All while being pushed and shoved by the Spanish marujas with their shopping carts. This is getting a little complicated here! To make matters worse, both currencies will co-exist here in Spain until the end of Feburary at which time the Spanish peseta will be completely phased out and no longer a valid currency. Can it get any complicated? YEP. The businesses are required to always give change in Euros. So, even if you pay in pesetas, you will return your change in Euros. The real kicker is that many of the ATM machines have not yet been converted over and are still spewing out pesetas. I am getting a headache just thinking about it. It cracks me up to see all the people out shopping with their calculators in hand, but it´s a reality and something that we all have to deal with. The good thing is that the Euro is almost equal to the dollar, which conceivably should make my shopping easier, but as you surely noticed with the price of lamb, the cost of living here is different, so what may seem cheap to Americans in terms of dollars (or Euros), may actually be outrageous prices to pay in Spain. Of course, many many businesses here are taking advantage of the change to increase their revenues and charge more just to have a decent psychological price. For example, a dozen eggs costs on the average 169 pesetas…that converts to 1.01571 Euros. Following the mathematical rules of rounding, the price then should be 169 pesetas or 1.02 Euros. Because merchants see this as an “ugly” psychological price (not that 169 is any prettier), many have been rounding the price of eggs up to 1.10 Euros. What´s a few cents you say? A lot when this practice is being applied to everything from eggs to gasoline to clothing… and such a “rounding up” is not applied to the household income.

Miscellaneous
I have been invited to a pig slaughter. Apparently, something that Spaniards make a party of (what don´t they make a party of??). My father-in-law and his sister went halfsies on a pig and are going to have it slaughtered and have a little (big??) party. DH had told me about these public slaughters and told me that the tradition is that the new woman in town has to drink the pig´s blood. So, when my father-in-law invited me to attend withDH , I vehemently said NO! DH´s brother was surprised by my reaction figuring that I would like the adventure. When I told them that I had no intention of drinking the fresh blood, they all burst out laughing. Hmmm seems like SOMEONE told me a tall tale. I´ll get him good.

We went to Madrid on New Year´s day for a nice dinner and a movie. I highly recommend the movie, Khandahar. Sure was an eye-opener. Denmark has submitted it for an Oscar. You will most likely find it at any independent movie theater not at the AMC chains. Go see it, please. Although it is a fictional story line, it certainly gives us a greater understanding of Afghanistan´s plight.

Survey Question
With my Life in Spain stories this year, I am going to include a survey question and will include the answers in next issue. That way, you can all help to “write” them for me! So, here it goes…

Here in Spain the Spaniards, despite the hassle of conversions, have received the change of currency to the Euro with open arms and very positively. Do you think that if North America (Canada, USA, Mexico) were ever to form one common currency that the Americans would so happily give up the dollar for some new sort of currency? Why or why not?

P.S. This is an actual question that some Spaniards have asked me.